Ten Requirements for Geek Certification

Have you noticed that everyone is calling themselves a geek now as a badge of some kind?  They are often people who have no business claiming that moniker - good looking, successful celebrities, movie stars, TV personalities with entourages, arts grads with no technical skills.  It seems that if they use the Internet, they feel they can claim it as ticket to geekdom.

I, for one, am outraged - well, slightly perturbed perhaps.  As someone with good geek bone fides myself, I recognize the signs of geek-fakery.  Perhaps because I can dance on both sides of the line, I have gained some insight into our make-up when I see one of my 100% grade A geek friends exhibiting their geek-dentials.

Sure, I talk tech, wear glasses, occasionally write code intensively, and could even competently construct a star-wars vs star trek timeline.  But I also can hide the inner geek and exhibit depth and competence in fine arts, witty banter across gender boundaries, choose quality wine and have a penchant for international travel.

Thus, having occupied both sides of the geek frontier, on different days of the week,  I thought I should speak up, and voice my opinion on some basic requirements for certified geekdom.  Hell, if I had some spare time and cash, I'd start a geek certification authority to ensure that Geek Guild members are not infiltrated by impostors.

So on that topic, here is my list of Ten Requirements for Geek Certification:
A Certified Geek™:

1. Can explain what "Hello World" means, is, and can demonstrate in more than one language.
2. Can sort a list of Star Trek characters into categories by series (and list which one's made cross-over appearances)
3. Owns and has used a hand-held GPS device and have used it while walking 
4. Has participated in some sort of role playing game 
5. Can recite by rote several laws of science (e.g. physics, chem, math), and a few equations
6. Knows what prime numbers are.
7. Can recite Pi to MORE than 2 decimal places.
8. Both knows and has written down the words "foo" and "bar" at some point
9. Has more than three email accounts and more one website
10. Often launches a sentence beginning with 'Actually...' to clarify a cliché or euphemism heard in casual conversation

I sadly fail on item 4 - so I suppose certification can still be granted with a single miss on the list.

Finally, I should point out that geeks and nerds are separate demographics.  The nerd is often a geek, but nerdliness speaks more to the social awkwardness and lack of fashion sense that are often present in a geek, but do not define them.  Geekiness fundamentally has a technical, information & skills element to it that cannot be faked with ill-fitting clothes and an awkward turn of phrase.

So, sorry, but nerds will have to find their own professional association and certification body, though as Geeks, we will happily admit nerd emissaries at our symposia.