Shocking Return to the Office

Yes, returned from a UK visit, to find the office shockingly unappealing, and strangely quiet. I think my guys (having both returned from their own vacations) are realizing that showing up every day for a job that has been terminated is less than an optimal work situation.

By 9:30 they had shown up though and are beavering away at nothingness. I'm actually being pulled into real work activity related to research relationships, patent licensing and of course, job hunting.

I've been away from my 'project' for a week and haven't got my head around what I was last doing again yet. I forgot my notes at home, so I can kind of figure out where I was, but I don't remember what I was working on.

When you are nearing the end of a period of work, knowing you'll be away for a week, it's easy to think 'ya, I'll remember what I was doing.' But I know from experience it is very hard to recover that frame of mind. Hence, I'll typically write some copious notes to myself to remind me what the hell I was trying to do.

Luckily - my project being software related - I was able to leave it in a functional state. I'd hate to have to come back to outstanding bugs.

But I'm also dealing with entrepreneur's remorse - that sinking feeling 'do I really want to push on this rope for the next few years with no income and mounting expenses?' I've been there, done that, and it's not too pleasant. Sure, I maintained my standard of living to an extent, but part of my standard of living is to grow my horizons and move forward. Incomeless existence is more about maintaining things as is. Plus I need some investments in new cars and house upgrades.

The world of oceanographic research is rather sluggish now too. Plus, my particular role and set of experience is particularly hard to market. Sure everyone I work for uses glowing phrases to celebrate my wonderous contributions... but that does you little good when you're just another schuck trying to get someones attention. "I'm really great, sure I am, not like those other losers who just claim to be great!"

It doesn't really work out so well. But a big part of me wouldn't mind the time off to accomplish some big projects. We'll have to see whether it pans out or not.

Hence, am I back at work, back in the real world following my week in the UK, and I have to somehow get through this and appear both attentive, interested and plan for my future.